It is eight months to the day since I left Haiti. Coming up on the horizon is my week long return trip trip and I'm honestly scared I won't want to come back to the states. But I will. Since it had been eight months I will recap my experience and my return home in four questions you might want to ask.
- What did you take away from your experience in Haiti? My most tangible take-away is that I discovered that I love teaching! I cannot wait to go back to school and study how to be a better teacher. I am especially interested in second language learners and the challenge that face them in an education system. I also left deeply convinced for God's love for me. My heart felt very hard as I was leaving for Haiti and in my nine months there God showed me over and over how he loves me and gently softened my heart to beat more in line with His. I also began to learn what it felt like to live in each moment I was given. I spent a lot of time waiting for things to be over so I could move on to the next thing. I began to see that the most time I spent investing in each moment the more precious and beautiful they became.
- What do you miss? The kids in my class; Coke with real sugar for less than a dollar; the Caribbean ocean; holding a child on my lap in church; my tan; puzzles; the simplicity of being able to live with or without electricity; studying Ester with the ladies I was serving with; chilling with my "little brother" Luke.
-What has the transition back been like? At first I thought it was easy because I didn't feel burdened by the affluence of American culture. Two different places, two different circumstance; it is very easy for me to compartmentalize that. But about six month after I got home I just broke down. The thing that was hardest for me coming back was the return of my expectations for myself. Being back in the states I felt like I had specific roles to play and I had to perform all of them perfectly. I had to be a perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect sister-in-law (yeah, that's happening in July :) ), perfect new friend, perfect old friend, perfect Bible study leader, children's ministry leader, applicant for work and school, church member, adventure seeker, and learner. I had to be perfectly independent, thoughtful, helpful, cheerful, organized. In Haiti I had one job, to teach, and when that was done I lived in a tiny village with maybe a dozen friends that spoke my language and no immediate means of transportation. Life was slow and life was simple. I love my life here but it had exhausted me. I'd forgotten what I was first and foremost: adored by the God of the universe and no amount of near perfection or failure was changing that. I had lost sight of the fact that I was already declared complete and worthy and I was viewing my life wrong. All those things were not expectations, they were things I could offer up to God as gifts. And I don't perform them all at once. Moment by moment He guides me in what I should do and each moment is a gift to Him.
- What have you been up to? Well, when I first got home I took a temp job as a receptionist at a law firm. Although this was not the most stimulating job it gave me time to study for the three test that I had to take to get into grad school and that was well worth it. I left that job in November and in January I started substitute teaching. It has been so much fun being back in school and working with kids. I work nearly every and and I like the adventure of being in a new class with new students every day. I just finished my final grad school application and will find out in a few months where I will be getting my Elementary Teaching Credential and Masters in Education.
As I've been writing this and reliving old memories my heart begins to ache to be back in Haiti. I know that we never recreate the same moments twice but I look forward to what God has for my brief visit there. I look forward to laughing with my friends, to holding the children I lived with for nine months, and helping to improve their circumstances.
(You can find links above for more details about our trip and donating.)
- What did you take away from your experience in Haiti? My most tangible take-away is that I discovered that I love teaching! I cannot wait to go back to school and study how to be a better teacher. I am especially interested in second language learners and the challenge that face them in an education system. I also left deeply convinced for God's love for me. My heart felt very hard as I was leaving for Haiti and in my nine months there God showed me over and over how he loves me and gently softened my heart to beat more in line with His. I also began to learn what it felt like to live in each moment I was given. I spent a lot of time waiting for things to be over so I could move on to the next thing. I began to see that the most time I spent investing in each moment the more precious and beautiful they became.
- What do you miss? The kids in my class; Coke with real sugar for less than a dollar; the Caribbean ocean; holding a child on my lap in church; my tan; puzzles; the simplicity of being able to live with or without electricity; studying Ester with the ladies I was serving with; chilling with my "little brother" Luke.
-What has the transition back been like? At first I thought it was easy because I didn't feel burdened by the affluence of American culture. Two different places, two different circumstance; it is very easy for me to compartmentalize that. But about six month after I got home I just broke down. The thing that was hardest for me coming back was the return of my expectations for myself. Being back in the states I felt like I had specific roles to play and I had to perform all of them perfectly. I had to be a perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect sister-in-law (yeah, that's happening in July :) ), perfect new friend, perfect old friend, perfect Bible study leader, children's ministry leader, applicant for work and school, church member, adventure seeker, and learner. I had to be perfectly independent, thoughtful, helpful, cheerful, organized. In Haiti I had one job, to teach, and when that was done I lived in a tiny village with maybe a dozen friends that spoke my language and no immediate means of transportation. Life was slow and life was simple. I love my life here but it had exhausted me. I'd forgotten what I was first and foremost: adored by the God of the universe and no amount of near perfection or failure was changing that. I had lost sight of the fact that I was already declared complete and worthy and I was viewing my life wrong. All those things were not expectations, they were things I could offer up to God as gifts. And I don't perform them all at once. Moment by moment He guides me in what I should do and each moment is a gift to Him.
- What have you been up to? Well, when I first got home I took a temp job as a receptionist at a law firm. Although this was not the most stimulating job it gave me time to study for the three test that I had to take to get into grad school and that was well worth it. I left that job in November and in January I started substitute teaching. It has been so much fun being back in school and working with kids. I work nearly every and and I like the adventure of being in a new class with new students every day. I just finished my final grad school application and will find out in a few months where I will be getting my Elementary Teaching Credential and Masters in Education.
As I've been writing this and reliving old memories my heart begins to ache to be back in Haiti. I know that we never recreate the same moments twice but I look forward to what God has for my brief visit there. I look forward to laughing with my friends, to holding the children I lived with for nine months, and helping to improve their circumstances.
(You can find links above for more details about our trip and donating.)
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